She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
This is my gift to your gina
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
