Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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