i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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