His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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