at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
