OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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