i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Randomize
