dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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