we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
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