before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
