nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
