oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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