Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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