Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
