I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
