went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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