Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
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Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
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Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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