Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize