God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
