see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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