The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
