Screwed.edu
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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