if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
