My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
