I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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