We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
