After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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