3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
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