Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I'm really busy with my period
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