Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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