Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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