That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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