I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
