my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
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