All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Less talking, more tequila
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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