Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
