It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize
