I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
