I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
