I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
