Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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