i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
