Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
