I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
