she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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