I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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