yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
