I want to make a zoo with you.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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