Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
