so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
