i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Randomize
