Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
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