My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
