Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Randomize
