"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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