Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
How does one acquire holy water?
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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