I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
