I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
