i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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