Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
