after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I want to fling myself into the sun
He shit in the fireplace
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
