My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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