you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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