I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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