the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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