there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
